Gimme some elbow room

Wtf yo, I was here first dude and here you come and put your whole entire arm on the elbow rest, leaning all up on me....I give him a look. Freaking oblivious or he's maybe not and he is like a dog marking his territory, *elbow rest mine!

I don't move my arm. He refuses to even look at me and then I notice his arm moves up a bit, now he is resting his arm on just part of the elbow rest and I am resting my arm on the other half....there you go, we are sharing...there is bus etiquette.


Club Bus
I made my way down the bus aisle, most of the seats were filled except for one seat near a woman who had her bag on the empty seat and was sitting almost sideways. I pointed to her bag and I still had to ask her to move it. She did move it, but sorta stayed sitting sideways? Cozy spot for me between her and a older gentleman who seemed apologetic for the woman being all spread out. I proceeded to read...great book about the habits of famous artists and writers. None seemed to ride buses, but a lot of them worked very early in the morning....I got a whiff of some crazy B.O. Looked around but couldn't find the source of the stinky. I noticed so many folks on their phones though.

The bus was relatively quiet in comparison to yesterday's bus ride where these young men stood in the middle of the back of the bus and rapped out LOUD a bunch of whack rap choruses from songs that I had no clue about....the whole front of the bus kept looking back and shaking their heads. The raps were horrible, one of the raps mentioning sex and a Chanel bag in one sentence.

One of the guys kept raising up an unbagged, huge bottle of vodka.They even challenged someone on the bus to a dance battle while the bus was in motion. 40 bucks was in the pot, but no one took the challenge.

After the loud crew left, there was just the murmur of 29 people all talking into their phones.

Smoker

Today after grocery shopping I was gathering my bags and one this young man who worked at the store was sitting on a bench smoking TWO cigarettes!! What?! I asked him why he was smoking two cigarettes and he skipped over my questions and started talking about my coconut oil and about cloudy olive oil.
He said he loved bacon and told me about a news story he saw about a girl who loved bacon and PETA.

Hospital Blues

I got on the bus with my kids. I found two empty seats for them. I usually do a quick scan of the folks on the bus, I was a bit wary of the man sitting in the very back wearing a breathing mask on his face.

A seated elder woman said to me, “Ma’am, excuse me ma’am?” The woman was still dressed in her paper, two piece blue hospital outfit. “Do you have a quarter or some change, so I could get some coffee or something?” She sing-songed sweetly to me.

“Sorry, I just spent all my change paying the fare.” I mumbled and saw that around me a bunch of folks were covering their noses. I didn't smell her then, for me the smell was Baltimore bus, nothing unusual. 

The woman already had some change and she jiggled it in her palm. A clear garbage type bag in the seat next to her held a few things.

A man got on after me.

“Sir, excuse me sir. “Do you have a quarter or some change so I could get some coffee or something.” She held her hand out and the guy gave her some change.

She addressed everyone who got on the bus that way. Ma’am, miss, young man, sir. And when I sat down I smelled her. I imagined it was hard to shower in whatever situation it was that landed her in the hospital, white plastic id bracelet was still on her thin wrist.

The lady turned and serenaded a woman behind her, “Ma’am, ma’am, ma’am, can I get a quarter or something. Ma’am, ma’am.’ There were two women who were sitting next to each other and they both ignored her. I wanted to yell at the women. Just say something. 

 An annoyed woman in front of her told her to stop in an irritated voice. The woman did stop.

“You have enough change for coffee by now,” The woman spat at her.

“I need more money,” the elder said. The upset woman just shook her head in disgust.  She mumbled something about her smell. 

A man with sunglasses came in and the woman sang her blues song.

He said, “Why are you out of the hospital? How could they let you out?!  You need to go back to the hospital.” He dropped some change in her hand and moved to the back of the bus.

I was looking so forward to getting off the bus into some fresh air, the smell was an entity in itself. My eldest looked like the smell was getting to her.

“We’re almost there,” I reassured her. My youngest was distracted with a book and was trying to get her sister to read to her.

I told the bus driver, “There’s an elderly lady back there…..”

The bus drive did not let me finish, She yelled to the elder, “Hey Miss, Miss, this is your stop, Misss!”

We were walking down the block and looking back I saw the elder in her hospital blues standing outside the bus. She looked stiff and was going up folks, probably singing that same song.

I shared my feelings of sadness with my oldest daughter. I wondered what happened to that elder that she had no one to go to in such a vulnerable time. Why did the hospital just release her? I imagined her as someone's grandmother, mother. She didn't ask the same person for money twice, so she wasn't that out of it. What happened?

The Fight

It was a really long wait for the bus. The little one was upset the bus was taking long. 
"It'll be here soon." I said in a cheery voice though I was seriously annoyed it was taking so long. I distracted us with word games.

The bus finally came and it was packed. I was so happy because it stopped right in front of us. The crowd trying to get on was thick. Though the bus was full there was a seat right up front, and I thanked all my lucky stars. I put my grocery bag on the floor and held my child on my lap. My oldest found a seat in the back of the bus and proceeded to read her book.

I chatted with a woman standing in front of me about tourism in NYC. I started hearing a woman cursing. Her curses got louder and when I really paid attention it was a woman with a baby on her lap. She was cursing out someone she claimed didn't say 'excuse me' to her as she went passed her and her open stroller in the aisle.
The one who was getting cursed out said, she had apologized already. The angry woman didn't accept her apology and repeated how she was going to beat the %$## out of her and mess her the *&#^$# up in the filthiest, loudest language. It was so bad that  even the thugs were like 'whoa'.

My little one was reading her book and didn't notice. People were just shaking their heads and staring. A man with a cast on his foot said she had run over his hurt foot with her stroller and didn't say excuse me. The tension was so thick.

The young woman who was soon to be beat up ran out of the backdoor with her friend while the bus was idle. They TRIED to get away at the last minute. The angry young woman dumped her baby where she was sitting and sprinted, amazingly leaped over the person next to her like she was doing the 100 yard hurdle in the Olympics. She zoomed out of the bus and proceeded to pummel the other woman. I did not look. The bus driver did nothing. My kid picked up on it and was crying. People were watching them out the window like it was a pay per view boxing match.
I yelled to my oldest not to look at the fight. The bus driver did not move the bus. The woman's baby was screeching. I felt so sad for the baby. How could she just drop him like that? I had to deal with my kid who was upset.

The angry woman strutted back on the bus without her wig on and without a shirt on! She didn't seem to care. Someone threw her wig back into the bus and finally the bus driver closed the door and pulled off. The angry woman told her screaming child to 'shut the f up!'

People were mumbling and shaking their heads in disbelief. I felt so upset. I felt so sad.  I had to reassure my kid that it was going to be alright. Meanwhile the angry woman was still cursing and talking mess. A woman actually affirmed her by giving her a high five!? She was so righteous in her anger, proud of what she had just done.

I was wondering why the bus driver didn't call the cops or say anything. I didn't say anything. As we walked home the youngest was upset. I told her it was fine to be upset because we were in an upsetting situation. We talked about the fight. The oldest said she passed the angry woman on her way to the back of the bus and had said 'excuse me' really loudly.  I knew my child would be fine. We talked about her feelings, we talked about anger and what anger does.

But what about that baby? That crying baby whose mama just dropped him....he stayed with me for a while after this. His cries, his little pained face, her telling him to shut the f up because he was upset. My heart hurt for him. How could she just drop him like he didn't matter?

The Movie-Driver's Ed

I cried when they showed The Movie in Driver's Ed class. The Movie was this horror movie where they showed all these slow motion accidents with people flying out of moving car windows, getting smashed by trains because they tried to outrun the train, people falling asleep at the wheel and slamming into trucks, just horrible scenarios and it was real footage. Distracted drivers just mowing down people! And I tried to watch it and started to cry it was tooooo much. I cried quietly so I didn't embarrass myself. I read my book and put on the headphones. The people in the class were groaning and screeching, and ooohhing and oh shitting. Some covered their eyes. And the soundtrack was a sad, slow pop song about being in the arms of the angel.

Going home the bus is packed. A big dude is sitting in the front, he has an open can of beer, the tall kind, in a paper bag in one hand and in the other hand he has a small bottle of liquor like they give in airplanes of whiskey? vodka? rum? He is loud and laughing. He doles out unwanted, yucky, salacious relationship advice to the bus riders. Like nasty advice.

The Stench

I got on a relatively empty bus that smelled so bad. It smelled like if the Grim Reaper ate some three day old, left over, left out taco bell and then went out, got on the bus and farted a wet, nasty fart that had a life of it's own. Then Reaper got off the bus and left the offensive odor. I got on that bus. The doors shut ominously loud behind me.
I panicked. The bus was going at a breakneck speed down the street. I had to hold on. I had to sit. I had to get out! It was a Sunday, if I got off the bus the wait would be 45 minutes, if I was lucky.
I scrambled to this seat and then another one and all of it SMELLED bad. I finally sat and opened the window. The "fresh-ish" air helped. Malodor was my neighbor.

The smell permeated the seats, the walls. It wasn't a smell, more like a terrible stench of 40 days and 40 nights of living, eating, walking, sweating and not washing, and it smelled like piss dripped and dried and shit not washed out of cracks, and sweat forever more, and body odor, the nastiest, worst funk.

A woman had a like one year old baby on her lap, the baby's head was tilted all the way back, downing the drink from her sippy cup. Her head stayed back for so long it seemed unreal. It couldn't be the baby that smelled that bad. Nothing that came out of babies smelled like that.

Someone sprayed perfume. Could you believe The STINK gobbled up the spray. Being close to the open window helped. At first I watched the range of emotions people had when the smell hit them. Some frowned, and shook their heads in disgust. Others made comments about nasty asses stinkin'. They realized quickly though that if they opened their mouths too wide the STINK would try to get down their throats. I stopped looking at the people and opened the book I brought to read during that, my "Me" time on the bus. Somehow the wicked smell faded a bit. How could that be?
The bus pulled up to my stop. People looked at me with envy because I was getting out of that smelly bus. I walked home slowly, thankful that the smell did not follow me. I relished in the colors and beauty of the changing to evening sky.

"Glasses"

Driving class is going great. Tests every week and I'm getting 90's and 100's.
Getting on the bus to class is where the action happens. I got on the bus and there is a hooded, youngish late teens, early twenties guy sitting in the front with bags all around him. He stares at people as they get on the bus. He gives me a look. A dude with suspenders and huge Erkel glasses gets on and sits across from the guy with the bags. The guy stares at the dude with the glasses with annoyance and exasperation. He mutters, "glasses" and "bald headed". The dude looks uncomfortable but doesn't look at the guy who is obviously talking about him.
The homeless guy looks at me and sticks out his tongue. Not like in a nasty way, but like a first grader nya -nyaing his friend. I laughed out loud, it was so funny, such a strange gesture from a stranger. I did not stick my tongue out at him.

1st Week of Driver's Ed

My mom learned to drive when she was in her forties. She surprised the whole family by presenting her new driver’s license to us while dancing around the living room with joy. My mom never danced around. She was so joyous that she passed. She didn’t tell anyone she was going to driving school.

Being a native New Yorker I never felt the need to learn to drive. The subway system goes almost everywhere and in every direction and there are buses for the places the trains can’t take you. And of course there are four taxis to every person in New York City.

My first day of driver’s ed I wait fifteen impatient minutes for the bus. I get on the full, but not crowded bus and the only seat available is across the aisle from a laid out heroin/crack/meth addict. He is passed out and leaning on what looks like a large laundry sack in the seat next to him. He looks messed up with a large, red lump like a small horn on his forehead. His mouth is hanging open. On the floor around him are large bags.

The guy sits up like a zombie rising, his eyes don’t open. I see that the laundry bag was really a bent over woman in her own drug induced stupor. She is stooped over, bent in her seat. Her vividly dyed hair is the only thing alive and it is hanging over her face. The addict sways and falls back to the side and lays back down on the woman.

The bus makes a stop and folks get off. The man still in his haze calls for the bus driver to wait, he somehow realizes it is their stop. With wobbly legs he stands up. He coaxes the woman up. They pick up their belongings. When they finally get to the backdoor we see that dude has pee all over the back of his shorts! There is an audible gasp and folks start mumbling about it. I am disgusted and shaking my head. The drugged up couple tumble out the door.

The class is fine. The driver’s ed the teacher is funny. She tells us little hilarious bits about her life and the other students and the dumb things they’ve done on the road.

There are folks of all ages and races in the class. The first lesson is a typical driver’s ed lesson with lots of information about a cars dashboard and what the gauges mean it is all interspersed with jokes from the teacher and laughter from the students. One student tells the teacher he drove to class alone. Everyone laughed at how illegal and stupid that was.

Talk about a crowded bus!!

Image from the BBC.

Rats

There is a viral video out that involves a rat in a subway car in NYC. The rat does something so yucky and terrible that I don't even wanna repeat it. It reminds me of a Charm City bus experience with rats.

It is late one evening, I am waiting for the bus. There is a huge intersection in front of me and a large cemetery behind a large wall and high fence right behind me.

The amount of rats I see is crazy. It is like a horror movie. Across the street in the parking lot of a Rite A the rats are playing freeze tag and using the little scratch of grass and dirt as their personal playground. 1, 2, 3 and 4 come out of a hole and chase each other around. They run into the middle of the street and scramble back on the sidewalk. They go in a hole and 1, 2, 3, 4,5, 6,7 come out and start running around. A cat comes out from behind the tree watching them it does nothing.

No sign of the bus.
Across the street where I am standing I am shaking in my shoes. I eyeball the sewer drain, the filled to the top garbage can near me. And a few minutes later I hear the rustling. A lady who is at the bus stop also makes a noise and moves away. I move without even looking and when I look there they are 1, 2, 3 running up and into the garbage can! TAXI!

Barefoot

It was one of the last very hot, muggy days and the grease on folks heads was frying their scalps at the bus stop where we were waiting for the always late, always crowded bus. The air in the streets bent like mirages.

A woman came walking down the street without any shoes on her feet, yet she carried a pair of men's boots in one hand and an unlit cigarette in the other. It was hot but she was barely dressed, wearing only a sleeveless longish shirt, her copper colored weave was dusty and matted. She had the most beautiful midnight complexion but her eyes were gone not seeing reality at all. She looked newly initiated into the world of heroin or crack. She still had fat on her and she wasn't stooped. I stared at her openly, everyone stared at her and made commentary. The older women shook their heads and the teenagers giggled and took pictures with their phones.

Child mama

Today a pregnant teenage girl got on the bus. She looked well into the pregnancy about six months. She got a seat in the front. In one hand she held a mountain dew in the other an unlit, but already smoked cigarette stayed between her fingers. She spoke to another girl who asked about her OTHER child. She said that child was with her grandmother of course. She hoped she was having a boy this time so she wouldn't have two heads to braid.

Free Bus

A new free bus is running around the touristy spots of the city. The buses are "green" but the most important thing about them is they are free! And they don't smell like pee or beer. The brakes don't screech. The seats are clean, for now anyways.  If they came on time they would be so convenient. 

By the frothy green water of The Harbor a large crane and several construction workers took down the huge ESPN Zone sign. The sports themed restaurant went belly up(ha!). It closed. Another empty building. It's like so many structures in the city.

There was a large group of about fifteen people walking towards the Science Center. The women, of various ages all had the same peachy complexion. Their blondish hair was pulled back and they wore some type of small blue cap over their buns.  They all had on the same white and light pastel patterned starched matronly dress. The pastels were in blues, pinks and yellows. One of the older women carried a brown baby girl in a back pack. The baby was sleeping and they adjusted the baby's position in the pack. The two women looked just like the other. 

The men and boys all wore short sleeved, buttoned down,  dress shirts and dark polyester looking dress pants. A white child held the hand of a little brown child my daughters age. The boys wore small versions of what the men wore. An older boy held an Asian toddler's hand. Some of the men had dark hair and there was an old geezer with a small straw hat. He had an all white beard and mustache and plaid shirt. Who were these people?
They were quiet as they walked to the ticket counter. Why were they dressed like folks from Little House on the Prairie? I wondered who the children of color were. Were they adopted? Members of their church?

A tatted shirtless man ran for the bus and the bus driver refused to open the door even though he made it. She said something about his shirtlessness and he yelled he had just come out of central booking. He walked quickly down the block.

Eavesdropped on a woman on the bus breaking up with her child's father on her cell phone. She kept telling him to "shut the f--- up!"  She told him she wouldn't make the mistake of falling for him again. And don't call her mother and she won't call his mother. And the 300 dollars you give her a month is a joke. She was cold!

Band Aid over a bullet hole

Someone took down the helium balloons and the pictures of the shooting victim that were on a light pole near the scene of the killing. A small memorial to the young life taken over a stupid argument in a fast food place where folks get their chicken boxes and fried lake trout sandwiches. They took the fight outside and that was the end.
The wreath is still there and the newest thing are all the police. Several cop cars patrol the streets and stand by their vehicles with lights swirling. A warning to anyone thinking about doing something illegal. I heard a bus driver say the other day all this attention now, is just a band aid over a bullet hole. He said the crime will just move to another area and then come back when the cops are gone and the tragedy is forgotten.
Not far from the gas station is a chinese food joint where an elder who was grabbing something to eat before work was robbed and killed. Another life lost for what?

Distractions

I saw a bus driver who was very distracted. Was he texting? I kept trying to peek
and see what he was doing. I happily hopped off the bus. Folks were getting on as I was getting off and I couldn't look at what he had been doing.
I think they just made it illegal for people who drive buses and big rigs to text. They also get fined. The bus driver was looking down and to the left during the red lights, mostly. I stood up when he was looking down while traffic was moving, slowly, but moving nonetheless.

Once I got on the bus and the driver was arranging a date with someone on his cell phone. He was charming, he sweet talked her, he was very suggestive. The passengers who overheard him were raising eyebrows. Stop after bus stop he continued to talk to her.

I also got on the bus and there were three middle aged folks sitting in front of me. I could see one of the guy's tattoos over his shirt collar. 

I listened to their strange conversation. The strangest part was when one of the guys talked about how the cops busted in on him while he was shooting up. The bleached blonde woman next to him was nodding as the man relayed his story to the tattooed neck guy. The druggie was like he peed in his "diaper" cause the cops who arrested him wouldn't let him use the bathroom. These folks were having this conversation on a crowded bus during the daylight hours with no sense of shame or embarrassment. The bus driver kept looking back at them with disgust on her face. The guy said he was pissed cause he missed some game that was on. They went on about their strange horrible lives and I listened in surprise and shock.

If I can hear the music from your headphones OVER the music of my headphones your music is LOUD.

reading

Today on the bus was almost surreal. There was a beautiful afternoon light. It was practically empty and quiet except for the roar of the bus engine and the droning computer voice telling of the stops, telling us to be aware of suspicious packages and telling us that it is for our safety and COMFORT we are being monitored by camera. Anyways, I looked around and the five people on the bus were all reading. I was reading the Alchemist. A young woman looked like a student, she was reading a textbook, a guy was reading a newspaper. A homeless looking guy was in the front. He was a mountain of a man. He had his pants rolled up to his knees. He was holding up a book and reading it. He had garbage bag belongings. His legs looked swollen and raw. The one leg was bandaged in many places. He had sores on his thick trunk like legs. He rubbed his sore legs.

In the aisles

Today on the way home I just missed the bus, I knew the wait would be super long, it was about 20 minutes. I waited inside the fish fry place and got some fries. The place was jam packed with folks getting their chicken boxes. The pepper shakers are chained to the wall. In the bathroom the toilet paper is chained to the wall too.

Outside the spot this dude says to me, "Sista, can you give the original man 45 cents." He acted as if he were waiting for the bus and yet Original man didn't get on the bus after someone gave him the money.

The bus was crazy crowded, no room to even squeeze to the back. And then a woman with a walker, the kind that she could sit on, got on the bus. For a moment I had someone's backpack in my lap. That walker was a bulky thing. The already sardined people needed to part so she could get in with her grandson who was like eight or nine. The elder sat down and the bulky thing sat in the aisle. No one could get through. It didn't fold! People were almost hanging out the front door while the bus still stopped at all stops picking people up. Her grandson sat in the thing.

A young lady was sitting at the window next to the elder. She was having an intense conversation with the woman. I don't think they knew each other. It seemed she was on her way to visit someone she knew in prison. Catching just snippets of their convo. She maybe knew the guy who was at the bus stop asking for money. I heard her say she told some guy that he was a loser. She also had a baby in day care.
The bus slowly emptied out. When I got off the bus the young lady was still talking. The elder was able to move the walker so folks could move on to the back.

The F-ing Baby!

D told me the other day when he was on the bus three young girls got on, all of them had a baby. There were no seats. One of the girls walked down the aisle, pointing at the people on the bus like they were sucka MC's and said, "I know on this crowded ass bus that someone gonna get up for the fucking baby!" A guy stood up quick with his arm up! D said the guy stood up like a benched player at a basketball game finally asked by the coach to play.
"Over here ma!" He gave her the seat and started to rhyme about how hard it was out there. He rapped about the streets, his friends, his girls and his life out loud the rest of his bus trip. Some of it was freestyle and some was rehearsed. I asked D if the guy had skills, he said the guy seemed motivated, not ready for a record deal yet, but if he put his time in he might be able to do something with his talent.

How to get on the bus

The wait

Since there is never a line formed as people wait for the bus, try to let the people who were waiting longer than you get on before. This is a silent agreement between the folks waiting for the bus. Some people break this silent agreement and cut in front of the line.

Sometimes if the bus stop is very crowded you will have to just claim a spot. It is civil enough. I have never seen folks fight about it, though it sometimes gets tense.

There is no single spot you can stand and know the bus will stop directly there. It depends on the driver.

If you are waiting at the bus stop alone never wait by the actual bus stop sign, that is a sure way to get the bus to drive right by you. Instead, when you see the bus finally coming try to make eye contact w/the bus driver through the window and nod. You can always wave like crazy to get the bus driver’s attention, not too maniacal or they won’t want to pick you up.

Do not read the arrival times posted at the bus stop to get an accurate idea about what time the bus is going to come. The buses come five minutes to half an hour of the time posted. A book to read or electronic distractions are highly recommended.

Sometimes two or three buses will come at the same time, go to the third bus because that bus will have the least people in it and will probably be the best smelling.


On the bus

There's a 50-50 chance the fare box will be broken. You don't have to pay. Take it as a tiny little gift.

The fare box likes to eat nice, crisp dollar bills. If your quarters have lint they will be spat out and then you have to stick your finger into a dusty wayward coin catching box and redeposit your change. Don't be like some people who put twenty pennies in fare box.

$3.50 buys you a full day of passage on the rolling circus called the MTA.

When you get on the bus you might have an easy time- not too crowded- a smattering of seats. Don’t take a seat next to anyone talking/singing to themselves, talking on a cell phone, leaning over or wrapped in a cloud of funk like Pig Pen.

If the bus is super crowded- suck in your butt, suck in your gut, hold your purse and say “excuse me” as you squeeze through all the people crowded in the front part of the bus.

Hold the pole so you don’t fall. Keep your balance like an urban surfer.

If you happen to find an empty seat towards the front of the bus give it up if a person with a baby, elderly person, handicapped person, pregnant woman get on the bus and there are no seats.

Usually you will find a seat in the very back where the guys with the tattoos on their faces sit.

Ring the bell by pushing the yellow tape or by pulling the cord to get the bus to stop at your bus stop. Do it as the bus pulls out of the last bus stop. Your timing must be impeccable-if you ring the bell too soon it won’t register for the next stop, if you do it too late the driver will assume no one wants that stop and pass your bus stop right by. If the bell doesn’t work yell, “Next Stop!” at the top of your lungs.

On the bus today

On the bus this morning I heard a man renewing his Xanax prescription.

I went to the ATM and waited behind a woman. she finished and walked away leaving her card in the machine.
When I went to the ATM and the machine was telling me to "return card" or "continue with another transaction" I pressed return card and called after the woman and told her she left her card. She came and got her card and just looked done. Did she even say thank you. She might have been super embarrassed. The woman waiting behind me acted like nothing odd just happened.

Coming home took so long. We waited half an hour for the bus! And yes it was "rush hour".

I saw my dream car (faded denim blue, old school VW bug) which made me happy.

Otherwise, it was a long, dreary rainy whiny wait. The freaking bus finally came. The annoyed driver told a wobbly, drunk man to wait as he tried to get out of the bus while we were getting on. He stood in the middle of the bus and yelled, "You want me to get out the backdoor! You want me to go out the backdoor, huh!" He started to get off at the back door and yelled, "You wanted me to get out at the backdoor right!"
The people on the bus were laughing at the man. I was glad I wasn't on the bus earlier because it seemed like he might have been entertaining the bus riders with drunk antics.